Friday, June 8, 2012

Top 5 for Stayin Alive!

Good day all you citizens of The Multiverse!

Hope all is well with you and yours.

I am doing great! Thanks for asking!

I’ve been looking back at the blog here lately and thinking: Just what the hell have I been doing lately? What have I done for all you Multiversians lately?

When I look at it from a blog entry perspective, it looks like I’ve been taking some time off, hitting the links, taking long lunches, curled up sleeping in a corner.

But not so fast!

If I take a good hard look at things, I have been a VERY busy boy!

Let’s see... first off I consolidated TWO blogs down to ONE.

Yep, I took the old Plotters of Cantaera blog and the Romy Malloy blog and made this one blog you are reading now. Got too hard to manage two, and when I thought about the NEXT books I would write, well it got a little silly. So, one blog to rule them all.

But that’s not all.

Did you notice that I actually DID introduce the next project I am working on?

Yep, Culver Bishop is in the works now and I am VERY excited about that. I actually have nearly FIVE chapters written already and I am hoping to complete the full outline today.

But Paul (you may ask)... what about the OTHER projects you keep telling us about? You know... the Romy Malloy, and the Plotters... you big jerk you keep leading us on with all these “cool” story ideas and then leave us at the altar like a weeping fiancĂ©e. What the hell dude? Where’s all this other stuff??? Huh???

Wow! You have some anger issues there fella.


It’s OK!

See, because while I have been doing all those things I just listed above, I have also been working DILIGENTLY toward completion/furtherance of these other projects.

Just this week I released the first of (possibly) TWO book trailers for BOOK ONE of the Plotters trilogy.

Did you see that? Huh? Did ya??

Go watch it now. I’m serious. You can’t yell at me like that and then not watch it!

Go ahead. I’ll wait. It’s only :53 seconds long.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Ok, are you back?

Well good.

So... whaddya think?

Yeah... you better say that... punk.

But the trailer isn’t the ONLY thing I have done lately.

Believe it or don’t, my illustrator nearly has the cover art/illustrations for Plotters BOOK ONE done!


I know, right???

And it looks FANTASTIC!

But you gotta wait for that. Don’t get all anxious on me now...

And so, at this point, you may be wondering if I am ever going to make this post into some kind of a REAL blog post or not.

Yep, sure, why not? I guess I can do that...

All these things I have been looking back on, all the stuff I have completed or is WIP... I started looking at these things and I realized this is REAL GROWTH.

I am GROWING as a writer.

And growth is an ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL thing for writers to nurture. I mean, everyone should always strive for growth, but WRITERS need to even more so than some others.

Writers HAVE to keep material fresh and exciting and REAL.

And the only REAL way to do that is to continually nurture the idea of GROWTH in your career.

And just how the hell do you do that?

Ahh... now we get to the warm gooey nougaty center of this awesome piece of chocolate candy.

Can I get a drum roll please?

And maestro, how about a little big band style crescendo with a bit of a horn blast right at the top?

Yea... just like that.

(with my best 1950’s style DJ voice)... “Guys and Gals! Dudes and dudettes! Ladies and germs! Give a big warm welcome for.... YOUR TOP 5 for STAYIN ALIVE!”

Eat poo
Yes, I fully intend for you to go eat poo. And don’t just eat it... play with it. Rub your hands all in it. Slather it all over your body and face and get it down deep into all your crevices! Ha! Feel better? That’s the ticket! Don’t you feel yourself growing already? Poo is GREAT for growth!

(editor’s note: “Umm... folks, you DO realize he is using poo as a metaphor for finding something, anything, everything as fertilizer that stimulates the growth of your mind and stories and your writing abilities... right? You DO know that? Please say yes... Ok, I’m calling the lawyers right now...”)

Irrigate your fertile plains
Hey do you remember those summer days when you’d get the hose out in the yard and play around? And then, when it got real hot you’d take the hose and shove it down your shorts cause it felt REAL good doing that and it REALLY cooled you off and fast? Remember that?

Well that’s not quite what I mean here... and if you ever REALLY did that as a kid then shame on you. That’s gross.

Irrigate your fertile plains means that, just like with POO, or fertilizer for your brain, you need to find ways to keep the WATER flowing on your ideas to keep them healthy as they grow. What’s water for your mind? I don’t know. It’s different for everyone.

For me, POO is things like reading new books, or seeing movies and taking the time to actually analyze how and what the writers did to convey their messages.

WATER would be all the things that help me continue writing, or help facilitate the writing process. Time allocation.  Time management. Finding that quiet place to write. Or, how about FORCING yourself to write? Yea, that’s like irrigation for your mind.

Do a sexy little pollination dance
Go ahead... yea, that’s it. Yep, we’re all watching you do your little dance. And why not? Bees do it. We watch the bees. They go from flower to flower sharing the love, making sure all those little buds get what they need to bloom to beautiful flowers. It’s a natural part of growth in the world, right?

Well get your nasty little mind out of the gutter you!

I am talking about WRITING here! (yes, the lawyers just had a talk with me and told me to keep all this at least PG-13). Bummers.

Pollination for writers could be anything that helps your ideas bloom. Are you stuck on what your protagonist should do next? Take a break and walk around or interact (pollinate) with other people for a while. Let your ideas pollinate other ideas and maybe your ideas will get some help to bloom too. It’s not rocket science. But it is cool. I mean bees pollinating flowers? Really? Come on... that’s just weird, right?

But it works. Somehow. Miracle.

Cross breed your seed
You may find there are times when your seeds (ideas for stories) might just dry up.
I knew this guy once... he and his wife were trying to have a baby. His wife got tested and she was fine. Then he got tested and the docs told him his seed was....

What? Oh... right... sorry folks, I’ve been told I can’t finish that story.

But, you probably get the picture right?

Farmers have been doing this for years. I’ve heard that corn, cucumbers, melons (heehee... I just said melons), and sunflowers are easiest to cross breed.

But Paul, you freaking weirdo, how the HELL does that relate to writing?

Ever heard of a “squashkin” Cross breed between a pumpkin and a squash. Cool, huh?

What I am trying to say is that it MAY Be helpful as an exercise to get the mind moving to take your ideas out of the realm you usually keep them hidden and germinating in and plant them in ANOTHER realm and see what you get.

Got a cool sci-fi lead role who just won’t do anything cool? Take her out of the sci-fi world and put her in the real world for a day or two. How would she act? Would she seem real, or just hokey to folks in the real world? Have her move around a little. Put her in contact with a few friends who can give her a look-see and maybe gently tell you how they feel about her.

CROSS BREEDing. It’s fun and simple and something the whole family can enjoy!

Reach for the sun!
Poke your little head up through that last layer of soil and sing praises to the Lord of the Sky: the Sun! Reach your arms up and wave them around like corn stalks! Soak it up! Get all that Vitamin D!

This is the easiest to understand but sometimes this is the hardest thing to do.

And no, I am NOT advocating Sun worship or any other kind of worship to earthly things.

I’m a GOOD Christian boy, dang it!

What I mean by this is that at SOME point you HAVE to put yourself out there.

Make the leap.

Release your work into the wild wild world.


That’s it! Hit that OK button and make your book available to the rest of us. I promise we won’t laugh behind your back and point at you and say things like “Can you believe he actually said THAT in his book??!!!”

No. Really. I promise. Pinky swear.

And folks THERE you have it!

Five quick and easy steps to keep your bad ass writing and working until well into your middle age years when you finally realize this has all been a pipe dream and you really need to stop acting like a child and get a REAL job and pay for all the things that others always cover for you and maybe finally move out of your moms basement and...

What? Oh... right... the lawyers wanted me to say “good luck” and “more power to ya!” and stuff like that.

Damned lawyers.

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