Monday, September 3, 2012

Hey, whoa there ma'am! Writing IS a real job!

"Ohhh... writing’s not a real job."

Hey whoa there ma'am! Writing IS a real job!

Folks, here exclusively for you is the first chapter from my latest Stop Sucking! book. You can get it on Amazon for only $0.99 here:

Hey! It's not your laptops fault that you think you suck as a writer!

The modern writer has to wear many hats; writer, agent, marketing, your own IT department, etc, etc, ad infinitum until you throw up in your hat.

The independent author has to be his or her own veritable full-service publication house!

Hell in one day you could be the mail room worker, the janitor, the boss, the secretary who gets sexually harassed by the boss, the sales guy who takes four hour ten martini lunches... and it's just YOU in the office!

It's enough to make a person go crazy.

Don't ever let them tell you that writing is not a real full-time job.

In fact writing will probably be the most demanding and yet the most rewarding job you will ever have.

I have been a “writer” for over seven years.

It's hard to believe it’s been over seven years that I've considered myself a "real" writer. Seven years! Oh how things have changed!

I have changed. If I'm being honest I used to think a real writer was only the person who got the big publishing deals.

Everyone else (including myself in this) was aspiring.

As in not yet a real writer. As in poseur. As in wanna-be.

That's such a lie!

If you want to be a writer you need to come to grips with a major fundamental truth. I’m gonna lay it on you right now.

Do you want to be a writer?

Then BE a writer.

Don’t sit around and ass-clown about it. BE A WRITER!

Say it with me. “I AM a writer!”

There are no more excuses. Do it. Say it. Right now. This instant.

Don’t complain anymore that it can’t be done. Because it CAN be done, I am here to tell you. I am living proof that it CAN be done.

Today, we independent writers have access to ALL the tools that the big time publishing houses used to call their own.

Everyone now has access to an outrageous amount of technology, the technology that can make you a published author. Formatting, cover art, ebook creators... it’s ALL out there!

Hell, even just a few short years ago it was still difficult to amass the tools necessary to do it.

Not anymore. Now you can do it all from the comfort of your own bedroom and you don’t even have to take off your pajamas! (You DO have pajamas on at least...right?)

I’m going to let you in on another sad truth.

I used to believe that self publication was a vain pursuit.

Vanity press they called it.

And maybe back in the day that was a true definition. Because back then only the rich could afford to do it -- afford the VANITY publishing outlets. Basically, they BOUGHT their way into the publishing industry. And almost always the work produced was no better than kindling, or. Let’s just say it... pre-used toilet paper.

Yes, I said it. Dirty ass swiped butt tracked notepads.

Not now.

Now one person can do it all and almost at no cost. As in free. As in “strip me naked and run me through the briar patch Ethel I'm coming home” free!

But... Yes how bout that but?

How can I do it ALL for free or nearly free?

You gotta do it all.

And I don't mean just some of it.

I. Mean. All. Of. It.

Here's a list of just some of the hats you will have to wear as a modern independent writer.

Writer (of course... someone actually has to create the work)
Agent (Blood sucking cock roaches but guess what? Someone’s gotta do it. You just get to suck your own blood for a while.)
Art Director (Ugg I HATE my stick-man drawings!)
Editor (You didn’t really believe that Crayon and Big Chief tablet rough was the final draft, did ya?)
IT Director (Come on, get over it. Technology aint so bad. Robot love? Or... er, nevermind)
Marketing (Sell baby, sell!)
Promotional Relations (Similar, but subtly different than marketing. Keeps lipstick on the pig. Think press release, interview, etc.)
Blog Director and Blog Editor (Must... Keep... Fanbase... Happy... Uggggg!)

Whew! That’s a LOT of work!

And guess what??

That's just your first day on the job! There’s even more work than all that to see it through to completion.

Never forget the one thing we ALL must remember, the one thing that kills many a career if we neglect to keep this in mind:

You MUST stick with it to succeed. Persevere and all that jazz.

Or, as they say in the movie Galaxy Quest, “Never give up! Never surrender!”

Now I'm not saying all this to discourage you. I'm saying it to show you it CAN be done.

If I can YOU can.

Just takes a little (a LOTTA) work!

And never forget this other fundamental truth...

Writing IS a real job!

In fact, it’s MANY jobs all rolled into one, which means of course there’s all that more there to enjoy!

So, go out there and enjoy it!


  1. I really enjoyed reading this! Yes, writing is the hardest job I will ever love. The rewards, even if I never publish, of creating through words are beyond anything a 9 to 5 job could offer!

  2. Totally agree! Most rewarding job ever.