Things feel extremely odd right now.
Close up, I have had to start wearing glasses just to read. That probably sounds trivial to many of you who’ve worn glasses all your life, but for me at the age of 47 it’s a major change.
I’m also a musician, and when I started losing my hearing a few years back I had to stop doing one of my great passions – recording other bands – because I couldn’t trust my ears to hear what needed to be there. I still play, but it seems hollow now.
Reading now seems a lot like recording music. It feels hollow. I really hope that this is only a transitory feeling, hope that when I get used to the habit of wearing glasses that I will once again find the enjoyment that reading once gave me. I hope.
I dislike change. Shoot me... so I’m a creature of habit. A comet on a comfortably familiar trajectory, believing I am set to traverse this orbit for a long long time.
And like a comet who gets a tiny bump and begins to feel its path changing and pointing to a new destination, I feel predictably out of sorts.
Today I heard that a man whom I had worked with for a time committed suicide. For some reason that has struck me today in a way I did not expect. His death, or more so his choosing the time and method of his death, seems unbelievably selfish to me.
I want to scream at him: Who are you to decide the time? Why do you get to check out and leave the rest of us still lurching through life? Why are you so special?
And don’t throw all this pity and empathy crap at me, tell me I should try to understand his pain and feel for him.
Who are you to say how I should work through my grief?
Every person in this world has troubles and issues to work through.
I have known quite a few people in my life who have committed suicide. Far too many.
I am tired of hearing about it. It’s not right. It’s not fair.
I know, because I am a writer and ponder these things, that a person who does this has finally decided that they cannot handle “IT” anymore... whatever “IT” may be. They think that it is easier to just leave now, just check out, because, they think, “What more good would it be for me to be here another day anyway?”
Here’s what I say... like a comet in a set trajectory that gets bumped and put into another trajectory... who’s to say that the new path you will take won’t eventually provide some kind of GREAT THING to the world? Maybe when you get bumped you just might bump some other comet and that one another comet... and all those new paths might be just the THING to allow for GREAT THINGS to happen! Maybe one of those comets will someday solve the government money problems, or save a million babies, or solve world hunger.
YOU JUST DO NOT KNOW.
Don’t commit suicide folks. Just don’t do it. Find a way. Make it work. There is a reason for you to be here.
If nothing else, at least PLEASE go here:
THERE IS HELP!